I heard on a podcast recently that, during World War II, Japanese airmen were asked as a group if they were willing to take a kamikaze mission. The Japanese military did not just ask for volunteers, they required the airman who were not willing to die to step forward. Unwilling airmen were required to stand in front of their peers and declare with their actions that they would not make the ultimate sacrifice for their country. I am no historian, but Google tells me that approximately 4,000 Japanese airmen died in kamikaze missions. [1] That is larger than the population of the town where I grew up.[2] Obviously, this was an effective way to recruit kamikazes. The podcast hypothesized that so many Japanese airmen volunteered, at least in part, because Japan has a collectivist culture, meaning the group is prioritized over the individual.[3]
The United States, on the other hand, is proud to be an individualist culture where the individual is prioritized over the group. Prior to coming to Japan, a few Americans from Aaron’s company enjoyed cautioning me about Japanese culture by reciting a translated expression, “the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.” As an American, and a totally special little snowflake, this expression made me bristle; which was, of course, the intention of the people that repeated it to me. From Marlo Thomas telling us we are “Free to Be…You And Me” to Lady Gaga singing that we were “Born This Way,” many Americans believe that every person is unique and those differences should be celebrated.
I worried about bringing Franny to a country where a common colloquialism describes beating down any deviations from the collective group. In particular, Franny is a really funny and goofy child. I know what you’re thinking, “The millennial snowflake birthed a uniquely funny baby snowflake.” But it isn’t just that she is silly like most kids are silly, she once told me her favorite thing was making people laugh. When I told her there are people called comedians who make others laugh for their job, Franny thought that sounded like a dream come true.[4]
As an aside, I think this goal has come and gone. The most consistent desire she expresses for adulthood is staying home and taking care of her cats. She wavers on whether she wants to have kids, because “being a mom looks like a lot of hard work.” But the cats are a constant part of her future vision. Lady Gaga was correct, we are “born this way,” and some people are born childless cat ladies.
Sorry, JD.
She may also want cats because she knows I am highly allergic; and, as she points out, I will not be able to visit her home.
I worried that by moving her to Japan her funny side would be beaten down like a nail protruding from a deck. On her first day at kindergarten, she tripped while jumping rope. I asked if she was embarrassed, and she said “No, I loved it because all the kids laughed.” Then they all played together. Apparently, I underestimated how much five-year-olds love and connect through physical comedy. No offense to the Three Stooges, but it isn’t my style. Not being able to communicate has only increased Franny’s efforts to connect through humor. She is always throwing herself down, yelling, generally being playful, and yelling. Did I mention all the yelling? The other kids seem to love it and will sometimes mimic her behavior.
My worry that Japanese culture would force Franny to disappear into the crowd was probably overdone anyway. Franny is the only white girl at her school. On top of that, she is in the 99th percentile for height for American 6-year-old girls and off the charts for Japanese girls. A light-brown head above everyone else, she was never going to blend in or disappear. Plus, I make those sweet friendship bracelets, so everyone loves her.
Apropos of nothing, I wanted to pass along that Franny has started her own religion. Whenever she asks about creation, life, or death I try to provide a buffet of answers pulling from science and as many religions as I can think of in the moment. I tell her she can decide what she believes. During one such conversation, she said “I believe in mermaids, rainbows, and unicorns!” Her religion also centers around a deity known as Mother God. I am not sure where the religion comes down on the origins of man, but she did say “Mom, back in the 80s, when there were dinosaurs...” Thus, I think evolution was booted from her theology. Also, believing that Kiss is the greatest rock band of all time seems to be a recently added, but important, component.[5] For a limited time only, you too can be a valued member of this religious community for a small one-time fee.[6]
My Japanese teacher pointed out that there can be a lot of pressure in Japan to conform to the group, hence the expression about hammering down the nail. This burden can be challenging and stressful for some individuals. My teacher remembered that in school ethical questions were taught as if there was one correct answer and everything else was wrong. However, once someone is assimilated into the group, there are a lot of benefits to the individual. When members of a group have pleasant interactions, the brain releases serotonin and dopamine.[7] The human desire to be a part of a group is evolutionary. If ancient man was not a member of a tribe, he was dead. The low crime rate in Japan is also likely a result of it being a collectivist culture. Individuals do not commit crimes because they do not want to risk being exiled from the group. Being a member of the group means the individual has a community and a support system.
Not feeling like one is a valued member of a society has been sighted by experts as a contributing factor to the increased rates of suicide in the United States, particularly among middle age men. With the diminution of bowling leagues and groups like the Rotary Club, more American men are feeling like they do not have a tribe resulting in tragic consequences for their mental health. This is also why married men are happier and live longer. In Aaron’s case, any longevity will be the result of my forcing him to eat vegetables. Interestingly, American women are not necessarily happier being married…
Whether or not it is a result of their collectivist culture, although I think it is, there are social services in Japan that I admire. When the weather first started heating up, Aaron pointed out that we were using our air conditioners a lot less than one of our neighbors. “You mean the 90-year-old woman next door,” I said. “Yeah, I bet we are.” Since the cost of electricity is high in Japan,[8] the government subsidizes the cost of electricity for elderly citizens during the hot and humid months to ensure they are safe and comfortable.
Additionally, everything related to raising kids is purposely affordable, including daycare, medical care, school, clothing, and food. The city also provides indoor play areas where kids have access to playground equipment, toys, sports, crafts, and books completely free to parents. Utsunomiya even gave us a few thousand yen just for raising our child in the city.
It makes sense that Japanese society wants to encourage families to have children by providing services that make it easier to be a parent. For one thing, the Japanese birth rate is crisis-level low. In a country of approximately 124 million people, [9] less than 730,000 babies were born in 2023.[10] Compare that to the United States which has a population over 337 million[11] with just shy of 3.6 million babies born in 2023.[12] Further, Japan strictly limits immigration, a not surprising feature of a culture that asks its citizens to integrate into a cohesive group.
I thought a collectivist culture may be litigious - sort of a “this object is dangerous, let’s sue so no one else gets hurt” kind of mentality. However, the opposite is true. My lawyer brain is constantly thinking, “that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen” because of all the low railings, steep staircases, and high platforms. Playgrounds are paradises of the deathtrap equipment that was ubiquitous in my youth. Compared to the United States, however, Japan is not litigious[13] and has a strong current of personal responsibility. If you go over one of those low railings and fall off one of those high platforms, that is on you. They are not going to raise the railing and ruin the view for everyone else just because you are a dumbass.
The collectivist culture also likely contributes to the society’s numerous rules and expectations for all aspects of daily life. Because Japanese people are taught to not disrupt the cohesive group, they simply don’t go over that low railing or fall off that high platform. Since these behavioral expectations are integrated into the culture, Japanese people are somehow in compliance, even when the rules are not posted. Trust me, they are not posted. I checked. Like true ‘Muricans, Franny and I always seem to be breaking the rules. And they let us know.
There is something to be said for feeling like a member of a group and having a community that supports each other and ensures the needs of elderly citizens and children are met. But there is also something to be said for people just getting off my ass about the rules sometimes.
[1] How Effective was the Japanese Kamikaze Campaign, Imperial War Museum, https://www.iwm.org.uk/history/how-effective-was-the-japanese-kamikaze-campaign.
[2] I know people will dispute me on this (my dad), so I am showing my work. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montpelier,_Ohio
[3] Hidden Brain, You 2.0 How To Say No, September 3, 2024.
[4] I refer to myself as a humorist in my Substack bio. So, I really hope you find this funny.
[5] I told you she was funny.
[6] I told you I was funny.
[7] See generally, Social Fitness and Performance – Part 1: Impact On Brain And Overall Health, Human Performance Resources By Champ, https:/www.hprc-online.org/total-force-fitness/tff-strategies/social-fitness-and-performance-part-1-impact-brain-and-overall#:~:text=social%20interaction%20falls%20into%20this,dopamine%2c%20serotonin%2c%20and%20endorphins.
[8] In fairness, the cost of electricity is expensive in Ohio since AEP gets approved for yet another price increase like every six freaking months.
[9] https://tradingeconomics.com/japan/population
[10] https://www.nippon.com/en/japan-data/h02015/
[11] https://www.census.gov/popclock/print.php?component=counter
[12] https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/vsrr/vsrr035.pdf
[13] Nobutoshi Yamanouchi and Samuel J. Cohen, Understanding Incidences of Litigation in Japan: A Structural Analysis, The International Lawyer, Vol. 25 No. 2, 1991, https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/216911389.pdf. “The typical reason given for why Japanese litigation rates are less than those in the United States is that the Japanese are a more cooperative, non-litigious people who try to resolve disputes through mediation and outside of court.”
I'd like to think that I personally came up with the quote that in America "we legislate to the dumbest of our society." I would LOVE if we, as a culture, would take on more Japanese-like beliefs in personal responsibility and thinking of yourself as a small cog in a larger machine.