The Taylor Swift of the Playground
Japanese culture values gift giving. Every garden, zoo, shrine, and tourist trap include multiple locations to buy souvenirs, known as omiyage. When we were preparing to move to Japan, we were instructed to bring souvenirs from our home in Ohio for our future coworkers, neighbors, Japanese teachers, relocation experts, and Franny’s school. We crafted, I think, the perfect omiyage including Buckeye candies, honey from my aunt and uncle’s bee hives, salt water taffy from Kilwins, and American Nuts from the North Market in Columbus. In return, we have received sake, sakura honey, home grown zucchini, toys for Franny, home grown herbs, and handmade school bags for Franny to name a few.
Ironically, I hate receiving gifts. I feel indebted to the gift giver and pressured to respond. Like anyone, I get a nice hit of dopamine when I give someone the perfect gift, but finding the perfect gift often feels like one more thing on the to-do list. Additionally, many of my gifts include handwritten letters in Japanese drafted through Google Translate. Writing letters that include Kanji I have never seen before is another time-consuming, and somewhat artistic, endeavor. It feels a little like I am responding to those old advertisements in the back of magazines, “Draw this picture and you could win a prize.” But instead of Tippy the Turtle, it is a Kanji that means God knows what.
The culture of gift giving even includes Franny’s 4- and 5-year-old classmates. Almost immediately, Franny started receiving letters, stickers, origami, and keychains from her school friends. And thus came the pressure to respond. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that Franny has made such sweet and considerate friends at school. Some of the gifts she has received have been very thoughtful, and the moms (let’s be honest, it is the moms) always attempt to write the letters in English for us.
After the bare minimum amount of contemplation, I decided the perfect gift for Franny’s new friends was a homemade friendship bracelet since Franny received from Santa (or me – who can remember) beads and other items for making jewelry for Christmas. If Taylor Swift can do it, so can I! Truth be told, I have no understanding of the Taylor Swift/friendship bracelet connection, I just know that one exists because of Taylor Swift Night on Dancing with the Stars. Franny personally made the first bracelet we gave away. It included purple beads and two shells spaced out in such a way that made the bracelet look like it had fangs. The fangs looked…odd and made the bracelet hard to wear. I tried not to be bothered. The important thing was that Franny was being creative and making something from the heart for her friends.
So anyway, I started making the bracelets myself.
I worked out that the objectively ideal bracelet includes the girls’ names in English centered in the middle of the bracelet surrounded by a pattern of colored beads. On top of surreptitiously making the bracelets, I also wrote the accompanying letters as if I was Franny, but I am confident no one thinks a 5-year-old wrote a letter in Japanese using Kanji. The letter specifies that it is a friendship bracelet, Franny made the bracelet (don’t be a narc), Franny owns a similar bracelet that has her name, and Franny is so happy to be friends.
When Franny started a new class in April,[1] I preemptively made bracelets for some of the girls to help Franny make new friends. I also made one for the little girl that helps Franny carry her things at the end of the day. Oddly, Franny seems to be the only child of any age at the school who needs help lugging her items. Off the top of my head, I have made bracelets for Tsubasa, Hana, Hiyori, Miyu, Mei, Mai, Ruri, Sara, and Kayasa – whose name is actually Sayaka, so she got two bracelets one with each name. After that mistake, I had to order more beads, which were surprisingly expensive, because I ran out of the letter A. To make matters worse, according to Aaron, Sayaka is a pretty common Japanese name. Of course, he did not share that piece of trivia until after we gave Sayaka the Kayasa bracelet.
To keep my deception going, I have Franny personally hand out the envelopes containing the bracelet and letter, which has turned out to be its own challenge as Franny is not always the best at remembering which bracelet goes to which girl. She gave Mei the bracelets for both Mei and Mai. Sometimes I have to flail my arms around pointing at the intended recipient and shout to a meandering Franny, “Her, Fran! Give it to her.” Subtle. Even when the child is standing right next to us, more than once I have had to snatch up the envelope before Franny handed it to the wrong person.
One day while picking up Franny from school, I saw one little girl run out to her dad and enthusiastically show him the bracelet. I didn’t understand most of what she said, but I recognized when she said “Franny chan.”[2] Another time, I witnessed a little girl from Franny’s class show some other girls her bracelet. Again, I could tell she was saying it came from Franny. Making the bracelets, writing the letters, and delivering them to the correct person is practically a part-time job, so I was thrilled to see the girls enjoying their bracelets.
I was telling my Japanese teacher about my budding bracelet empire when she joked that my personalized one-of-a-kind bracelets were probably a hot item that every little girl at Franny’s school would want. I know she was kidding, but this idea concerned me. I never want to make a child feel left out. Even if it is left out of something silly like my cheap homemade bracelets. And I definitely cannot make bracelets for every girl in school, nor would Franny be able to help me with their names as we know from the Kayasa/Sayaka debacle.
Perhaps it is the power of suggestion, but lately I have noticed a few more girls helping Franny carry her items at the end of the day. One little girl makes sure she always says “bye-bye” to both Franny and me every day. Clearly, not even the 5-year-olds think Franny makes the bracelets… Not to get all Carrie Bradshaw or anything, but “I can’t help but wonder” if these girls aren’t lobbying for a friendship bracelet.
Remember the little girl that said “Americajin” to me and then glared at Franny and me the rest of the day on the playground?[3] On one recent day, I witnessed her being shown a bracelet by her friend who had received one. Suddenly, Glaring Girl started playing with Franny and saying hello and goodbye to us every day at pick-up. Unexpectedly, she has become downright delightful.
Sooo….Anyone know where I can get cheap beads in Japan?
[1] In Japan, schools run all year and the academic year changes in April. Franny graduated from pre-school to kindergarten this past April and switched classrooms.
[2] In Japanese, a polite way to refer to adults is by their name followed by “san.” It sort of means Mr./Ms. For little girls, you use “chan” and for boys “kun.”
[3] For my information, please see my The Capacity for Kindergarten Substack.